The Art of the Deal

Here I am roaming the showroom floor
And waiting for "ups" to walk through the door.
I'll rush to their side and show them a car
(And hang onto their keys so they don't roam too far.)

"A Toro? A Delta? Or an Olds 98?
How about a Cutlass? Now that car's just great!
Power windows and locks? Two doors or four?
Do you want the shift lever on the wheel or the floor?

I got 'em in grey, blue, black or teal.
I even got a leather-wrapped sport steering wheel!"
They'll sit by my desk and I'll get them a drink
And get them to sign before they can think.

I'll work out the price (and figure the trade)
As I'm watching their smiles beginning to fade.
"Is that all for my car?" and "That costs too much!"
"We're looking at Buicks," "We're shopping" and such.

"Listen, you mooch," I shout in his face,
"'Shoppers' are the lowest of the whole human race!
You do like that car and all of us know
You're just being reluctant to part with the dough.

"You've run me around for all of that time
And now you are saying you won't part with one dime?!
Well, you're buying that car, like it or not,
And what's more, this deal's what we call a 'spot.'

Now get in that car and drive it away
And I don't want to hear what you've got to say!"
The mooch drives and I'm thinking my commission is made
When it suddenly hits me: I just sold him his trade!

Kathy Bright